It’s not just knowing what we’re moving away from, though. Let’s also define what we’re moving towards. I absolutely love this quote, and I use it as my guiding compass:
Isn’t that exactly what we want? Shouldn’t healthy boundaries create a relationship in which everyone is loved and everyone’s needs are balanced? I think so.
Let’s apply that test to each of the relationships in your home and in your family. Each relationship between two individuals is a cog in the system. For the system to work well, each of those cogs needs a healthy dynamic, and the creator of that healthy dynamic is healthy boundaries.
Assess your relationships:
- Are you loving yourself and your child? (Or do you martyr yourself?)
- Are you loving yourself and your mother? (Or does Grandma always get her way?)
- Are you loving yourself and your partner? (Or do one person’s needs get minimized?)
Assess their relationships:
- Are there healthy boundaries between your partner and your child?
- Between your children?
- Between your child and your mother? Between your child and your father?
- Between your partner and your mother? Between your partner and your father?
Each of these are strings in a web, and if any of those strings has an unhealthy tension, it skews the whole weave.
If the fabric of your family has no tight strings, I salute the hard work you and your loved ones have done to create that beautiful tapestry. It is rare and so admirable. Such a gift to your children, as they imprint what healthy relationship dynamics are like.
BUT, if that’s not your family, there’s some work to do. The family system we grew up with is still within us, replicating the holes and gaps which were there in the past. It will be that way for your children, too, so what do you want them carrying forward?
Nothing gives us happiness or misery like our relationships, and if you’d like to see healthier dynamics at home, I want that for you, too. As the family gathers, as you prepare for the tension you already recognize, there’s an opportunity to have a talk, share a tool, skill build, and smooth the way.
That’s why I’m offering the Boundaries and Consent Bootcamp again, this time for the holiday season. The course runs November 2019 – January 2020. Here’s what’s included:
- 6 modules to walk you through skill building healthy boundaries
- module transcripts to help you review the material and share it with your family
- handouts on action steps so you can implement the content easily
- 6 Q&A calls to support your understanding and application to real life
- A private online discussion group where you can post questions, challenges, and triumphs, where the community and I can support you all along the journey
Have a question? Not sure if the boot camp is a fit? Jump on my calendar for a quick chat.
In support of you,